I had a great joy inviting friends to my house yesterday. They came from all over and we were reunited again after nearly 3 years. Of course, some of them see one another regularly but having a party at my place was especially fun for me even though I couldn't follow all the quick french, slang and jokes. I still enjoyed having them at my place and it was encouraging to just be around them. Sophie put her hand to the main dish and I worked on the salad as the boys brought munchies and dessert. In total, we were 8 people: Sophie, Lydia, Evrard, David, Ruben, David, et Swanson with his broken foot. What a joy for me to see my friends from 2000 all together again. I planning another BBQ for the near future and we will make sure Nico, Melanie, and Audrey show up this time!

I'm preparing for the arrival of Michelle. She will be here on Tuesday. The apt is pretty clean and I'm excited about making room for her and maybe even rearranging some furniture to give the place a little different feel... we'll see.

This morning I had more time to think about how God wants us to be obedient even when its frustrating. I practiced the worship songs for this morning at church and then it all seemed to "flop" musically speaking. I'm am learning to be content even with my feable efforts and smile, shake my head and know that one day I'll play and sing perfectly in heaven- but certainly not here. I keep trying, none-the-less. One rule that applies to swing dancing and church is that a good follow is flexible and willing to obey the leadership of the leader. And we always get better with practice!

Arrived home, I'm tired and my brain is hurting from its efforts but I've received an invitation to join my friend Severine again to see an exposition which includes some Titanic. She'll be here in a few minutes! I am jumping at the opportunity in hopes that an already tired brain will just shut down and quit trying so hard and I'll just start thinking and speaking french perfectly... FAT CHANCE!

I had another cool occasion to go out to dinner with some french people. I met some more of Sev's friends. The bummer was that I was so completely exhausted that night. We ate dinner in a fairly nice place in the shadow of Montparnesse. I will have to take someone there some day for dessert! :) I had a chocolate pudding/mousse/yumm... in a bed of mint syrup and mint leaves. Ahh.. it was close to dessert heaven.
I'm learning to get along with people who smoke. I guess I never had a ton of friends who smoked in the states but now I can say that I go out "smoking" with my friends. They, of course, do the smoking and I listen to french and try to speak.

I passed the Moyen 2 test again with flying colors. Its seems like maybe I'm not being challenged enough but at the same time I still feel like I'm doing necessary review. They say that Avance 1 will begin to explore the more complex grammar and we'll do more writing... but I remember doing this stage as well at CEF in Albertville. I know that I could use a step up in comprehension. The conversation class is such a wide divide that JB is getting frustrated trying to find ways to challenging both the advanced students and the ones who have yet to talk very much. He thinks I should move up to the mornings where the students are pushed but doesn't think there is enough space.

Yesterday I took time for myself. I decided what I wanted to do after my medical visit, which makes me legal in France. I found a cafe and sad down with Bonhoeffer (the book) and ordered lunch and a fresh squeezed oj. The moments were wonderful cuz I had no one telling me where to go, what to order and I had plenty of time to enjoy the ambiance of Paris. I allowed time to stop for a couple hours- just me and God, sitting in the sun in the heart of the city, surrounded my a gal on vacation with her "copain" and another on the phone and eating her pasta. I let the sun bronze my arms and face and sipped coffee. I realize that even though the race in my mind to keep up with transition and adjustment doesn't stop, I took time to appreciate Paris and the French way. I may have to take time for moments like that more often- to give me focus, perspective and time for my attitude to catch up with my knowledge.

J keeps reminding me to find ways to "let it out"...the happy and hard times. I think I just found one.

Being in France for a couple months now, I ask myself again, as I did in the states, "why would a person who claims to not believe in God, thank Him, or cry out to Him in times of pain or joy?"

I think I know why: God has set eternity in their hearts. Ecclesiastes 3:11

Life Together
I don't know why it is that I have such a problem reading. It has been suggested that I come from a generation who is story oriented or has even been labeled "post-literate". This seems to ring true for me: I know how to read; I can read when I have to; I don't prefer to pick up a book but I love story; I have great desire to know what is in certain books but not to read them. All this to say that I have not yet breached halfway through Bonhoeffer's book called Life Together.

I will track a little through my thoughts and experiences though in a "life together" house where I am currently living, called OIKOS, and through the book as far as I have gotten.

Theme 20: Living together/ community/ fellowship of the followers of Christ is a privilege. More often than not, we get sick of one another and can take "only so much" thus resorting to once a week encounters for a couple hours maximum. Where in the heck did we come up with this idea? If I remember Acts 2 correctly they were meeting together daily and sharing everything in common. Paul preached until one dude fell out a window half asleep. So what if you're tired or distracted or pained or drugged or artistic or dull...come and BE WITH THE PEOPLE.
On a personal note, I have recently undergone the "thumb of God" crushing the little pride that rears its ugly head every chance it gets slapping around the people in my OIKOS. I learned, 'again', about asking for forgivness. But I also learned how bouyish my OIKOS can be when forgiving- encouraging me to get back up again and keep going. J even put it in terms of Mission Impossible, "don't hit the self-destruct button". I could just see the little cassette smoking along with all the valuable information and in my case, a dream and potential to serve God in a way that I never would if I decided to "smoke".

Theme 27: "God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself.....So he becomes, first an accuser of his bretheren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself." What a destructive, devicive tool of Satan to kill the OIKOS. Community is not created or ordained by one person- it is formed of natural causes by the group and the variety of individuals are what gives it shape.

Theme 29: Just a little reminder that being thankful for the small things renders God more likely to bestow the great things.

Theme 34: The danger of human love: seeks itself, doesn't regard truth, only desires for itself and thus has potential for "hatred, contempt and calumny". The spiritual love referred to several pages later is founded upon the Word of truth. Such a different concept than we dwell upon normally: serves rather than desires. "... Life together under the Word will remain sound and healthy only where it does not form itself into a movement, and order, a society, a collegium piaetatis, but rather where it understands itself as being a part of the one, holy, catholic, Christian Church, where it shares actively and passively in the sufferings and struggles and promise of the whole Church" (37).

I see some contemporary translation necessary here: I think that since recently the word "movement" is used favorably to term the Church, I will keep it as positive, but specify that what we should be warned of here is the institutionalization, organization, and pure management of an local Church or group of believers. There is inherently organization in an organism which lives and breathes but the function of the organism is more important than its organization. I don't sit around all day and tell my heart to beat or even ponder why it keeps pumping. I live each day and each moment as they come at me and all my parts react as they should.

Holy= set apart and pure to a certain purpose, Catholic= universal, Christian Church= local gathering of Jesus followers and (do I dare say it?) searchers. It was put to me recently that maybe our churches should be full of people searching and "recovering", not 'pretty' people. I'm tired of keeping my sin a secret, tired of hiding the 'bad girl' in me because of some institutional congregation, meeting in some huge building, projecting some unspoken rule against confessing sin to one another because we are all now repented and clean. I'm looking for a place I can keep coming clean, just as Jesus blood continues to cover me yesterday, today and forever.

Movie I liked: Seranade
Watched a movie at the Heckman's called Seranade. It got me thinking a lot about cultures and religious ties and stongholds. The story is of a young woman who is half native Austrailian and half Afghani. She has 7 years with her animistic mother and the rest of her life with her Muslim father. She has connection with a Lutheran mission when young. Although the movie is produced by secular, austrailian directors, it brings forth many downfalls of missionaries. In this case the Lutherans are blowing it big-time by imposing western christianity upon natives and exploiting Afghans. The Muslim faith is portrayed full and yet words mean nothing to Jida but an arranged marriage is worth attempting suicide over and in the end she returns to her animistic roots. One huge theme jumped out at me though during one scene: When dishonor and shame are to behad, blood must be shed. Sounds a little familiar: When separated from perfection, payment with blood is necessary (Genesis 3- Revelation).

Sometimes I can't figure myself out. All in one day I can have a full range of different feelings ranging from stress to joy, pain to excitement, fulfilment to loneliness. Sometimes it seems like down feelings won't ever end and at other times I remember that I will come out on the "up side." Since Monday was a day off, I took advantage of meeting some friends up in the north of Paris. I was absolutely encouraged by talking with these cutting edge people, hearing their stories and learning from their wisdom. They opened their home and put me up for the night too! After the presentation of so many thoughts concerning cultural differences between americans and arabs and french, my head is spinning. I want to find the sweet spot in the culture where I feel at home. I want to find qualified ways of bridging into people's lives, French and Arab neighbors.

Today in conversation class the issue of euthanasia came up. JB watched me and Adrienne closely since Canada and America are usually in the spotlight when it comes to this subject. I was allowed to explain some of what I understood had happened in America with Dr. K. I listened to several students bat around their opinions and JB play the devil's advocate (against). One gal says she couldn't let a close suffering family member go through with it, but when it came to her- she'd want to freedom to finish herself. JB kept his eye on me and I finally threw out the fact that much of a person's opinion was based upon their worldview, how they viewed mankind and life, and morality. I almost wanted to breach abortion but I kept my mouth shut. I felt like I had returned to Harper's Ethics class but this time it was for real and in French. It was strange: at one point I looked around the table at the faces and realized that behind their opinions- whatever they may be- there is fear of unknown and what comes after death. Thank goodness I have proof of life after death: Jesus resurrected and "re-living"!

Tomorrow I get to do an evaluation again. If I pass, I'll move up again to Avance 1 which is a two month course. I'm not really sure what to study because there was no real "programme" laid out at the beginning of the class but we've been reviewing for a week now and I'm feeling ok about it. I think I'm getting better but sometimes I feel as if I've plateaued- that dull spot where one doesn't see much progress.

Its been a rigorous last couple weeks though and I think I've learned more about myself and the culture than I did last month and its ok that my language isn't forefront in my mind. I'm learning to lean on my living God for support when it feels lonely, hard, even joyful. Its a relieving thought that down the road, this adaptation time will become less and less painful til one day, I won't even notice so much.

Dr. Patty classes and themes always seem to pop up out of no where as I live life. This time it comes from CPD. The main idea is to bring the students from point A to point B without point-blank lecturing them but actively organizing the curriculum so that they will stumble upon the truth. I'm in the school of life. Sometimes the profs aren't adept at curriculum development.

I'm coming to understand, again, that the best place to run to when I feel any sort of sentiment, is to Jesus. It is even more evident when the normal comforts of relationship are stripped away that Jesus is and will be the only one who will really be able to take me the way I am. I have learned, again, that I can't run to people around me- we don't necessarily speak the same language; I can't run to culture- they do things differently here and often backwards from what I expect; I can't turn to a close friend- they aren't here to see my face and pray with me and listen to me cry; Jesus is here, he speaks my language, he understands my personal culture, and he's already praying for me.

Apart from the fact that I'm completely wiped out, I'm feeling horribly homesick and noone is willing to try to understand, today was an interesting day where I got to see and hear first hand how little the French people in general know about Easter. They don't know what its about or else have trouble saying what they know. The most interesting part of the day was filming people's responses to a few simple questions: Do they celebrate Easter? What does that entail? and What do they think the celebration is for?

Its been a horrible day and I'm crying my way through the rest of it.

Ok before we head out today (monday), its like this: J keeps telling us we are a bunch of poor souls partying our hearts out at a party fit for the King. Today we're going out into the streets to collect all the others who are invited. Some are going to have "other important things to do" while there will be more poor and needy who will accept the invitation to come celebrate the living God/Man with us! Party on!

Sunday has come and gone....almost. Evangelistic outreach at Pontault is taking up lots of time. There are now 5 of us at the house and after a few bumps in the road the white van is now running (battery needed charging after sitting for too long in the drive). Today I saw and was part of the formation of the team for this week. We have two goals: give gifts and invite folks to the weekend festivities. For me it has been a learning experience. I have been formed in a sense too. The "campaigns" that I was a part of in 2000 are taking on a new shape. I am learning bunches from those who have walked the road of "changement" in the last few years. What is exciting about this outreach is that it isn't just our team that is out doing all the work or the face to face meeting of people; the church is highly active in praying and have been for the last month. Today we invited those interested to join us is learning how to knock on a door and give a gift to people without coming across too Christian, too "sectish", but clearly present who we are and what we are doing quickly. It's a learning time: about team, for the language, for culture and ministry, and of myself.

Sometimes I feel like a scrambled egg: I'm trying to survive in a different environment, speak a different language, keep my eyes on Jesus, obey what he has called me to, continue to dream, not get discouraged, continue to seek out the best method to live each day by, "make new friends but keep the old,"- all the time in a hot pan.

tonight as I brush my teeth and say good night to a long week, I say good morning to the evangelistic outreach of Pontault. The house is cleaner and ready to be in order for a week of craziness. I will be busy and not very available to write, let alone read or finish my guild paper which was due a day ago or two... I'm late, oh, well. I have good intention to get it finished before long.

Saturday I had a conversation with a french friend and we talked about the war. She expressed frustration with the injustice that seems to be falling on the Iraki people. I had to agree with her because it seems that they are caught in what should be a personal wrestling match between two world leaders. I haven't found an easy answer to this problem nor that of "why handicap children are born to great people". The one thing that does ring in my ears, says, "If you obey, I will bless you, you and your children, even to the 4th and 5th generation." But disobedience will act like pollution and at a certain point God threatens to turn them over to their own desires, which destroy them. Sin is like pollution...this world is polluted by sin and we are being drug into a gnarly hole by our own choice from day 1. People ask me if there is one person I'd like to meet from history, who it would be. My answer: EVE. I'd ask her why in the heck she did it. The crazy part is that I know the bigger story and purpose for which The Lamb served- from the First Passover, into tradition, and right up Jesus, the final Sacrifice, and on to restoration. Even better, I am convinced of it! My friend wrote me and told me how God has revealed this bigger understanding to her...even though it is difficult, it matches the bigger picture. I pray for the end of the Iraki war, just the same; I also pray for the proper rebuilding of that nation.

Where does the time go? A day or two ago I was riding the "sardine train" home and I noticed a few people. I've always been a people watcher. I used to go to the mall just for the fun of it when in High School and walk and watch people. (The funniest was a guy with a wifebeater tucked into his sagging jeans that were strapped to his hips and slung under his butt... or the cross-dresser who was about 6'5" with his red pumps and blue mini skirt and blond madonna wig; Ah, good 'ol Tacoma WA.) For these to personages that I saw in Paris my heart actaully pondered their person. The first was a young man, probably my age, tall and directed into our crowded car by a metro attendant. He carried is eyes in his hand and immediately found the pole to hang onto. He was blind. I've seen blind people before but this guy looked to be a professional business man, carrying his briefcase and cane. He probably made it a daily ritual to board the train at Auber, grab the pole and say "excuse-me" as he put his briefcase on the floor. Right now its spring in Paris and so beautiful. He can't see it. Sometimes I wish I had the audacity to act as one character in a movie I have seen several times now: Amelie Poulin, running up next to the old blind man she has seen around for years and helping him cross the street explaining all that is around, including the price of meet at the butcher and what the children out side the store are looking at.

The other man I noticed was an African man. I noticed him because of some scars on his face. My first thought was that maybe he had been attacked by an animal because they resembled large cat scratches. But I relented and soon concluded they were there on purpose because of their symatry... two on each cheek and two roughly centered on his forehead. All six fell from upper cheekbone to jaw or from hair to eyebrows and I realized that it was most likely from some ceremony in a tribe. His dark brown eyes darted around the train and I suddenly was struck with the reality of an active tribe somewhere in Africa where this man had grown up and now he was moving about in a huge metropolitan in Europe; he looks to be only in his early 30s. What kind of god does he serve? What does he fear most? What must that transition have been like for him?

So I've discovered a little bit of heaven here on planet earth. I thought Starbucks did a pretty good job with their coffee and ice cream but I have to admit that for a small price I can indulge in a dangerously wonderful few minutes every once in a 'very-rarely' while. The week that I decide to eat such a thing, I require myself to find a couple extra sets of stairs. Only the French could concoct such a dessert: espresso custard on a bed of carmel topped with a skiff of chocolate sprinkles that I just happen to barely broil served in a little glass "pot". Unfortunately, these little devils come in packs of two at the local grocery store... Man, I can't wait till my roommate gets here to help me out.

Looking forward to seeing you, Michelle.

We all see through a grid
I've become frusterated with the political situation in the world today. I have decided that no one can give a clear concise answer to what is happening, nor can anyone really just report the details. I have given up hope in all media including american, french, british and Iraki. The best I can do is to read the opinions of others. Here's a place to begin hearing the "Al-Opiniat"s. All the Al's out there are self expressing and that gives me enough to think on.

When Madlibs require French

Today my [noun] journee was full. I woke at 8:30ish and started my workcenter: the 'laptizzy'. I [verb] m'attendais [noun] un appel from my friend in the States. I had [adjective] pleine de things to do today [conjunction] mais never [verb] arrivee to do them. I talked to [noun] mon ami on the telephone which did me [expression] du bien .

Before I knew it my day was halfway [adj] fini and Karen was asking if I wanted [adverb] encore to help her color her [noun] cheveux . I jumped into action [conjuntion] parce que I had invited a friend for [noun] le dejeuner and I knew she would be arriving sometime during the noon hour. Karen and I [verb] s'est mises to the task and it worked out so that I was just finishing the color job when Sophie [verb] est venue . We had [noun] salade and rice and chicken from [noun] la soiree last night and she brought [noun] le dessert which was a Paris Brest and a small pear tarte which were [adj] incroyable !

We talked the whole afternoon in [a language] Francais and discussed young Christians and the issue of [noun] mariage and [sentiment] la peur of divorce. [Conjunction] Puis , we conversed about [noun] la guerre and the story of history and how God is the Author of this story and we how should be praying our way through [noun] l'injustice and pain and uncertainty with certainty of His victory [conjuntion] et justice.

It was [train time] 18:30 before we knew it and we took off for [shopping center] Carrefour to do some shopping. Among all the things I had [expression] besoin de faire today, the shopping was probably [definate noun] la seule chose that I was able to complete. It cost [adv] cher but I feel [sentiment] contente that I found shoes and a unmarked sweatshirt to [verb] porte around Paris. I won't be going shopping now for quite some time.

"Therefore, let him who until now has had the privilege of living a common Christian life with other Christians praise God's grace from the bottom of his heart. Let him thank God on his knees and declare: It is grace, nothing but grace, that we are allowed to live in community with Christian brethren." I'm reading Deitrich Bonhoeffer's Life Together. Interestingly enough it is assigned reading for a guild associated with Dr. Steve Patty in Portland OR and not with OIKOS. We are supposed to write a paper on its 122 pages discussing Christian fellowship and I am already thinking I'll just attach my blog site to the blank document for the other Guilder's to read...

Living together is a privilege. This really makes me think about the Christians scattered all around the world. We long to be together, but that time really would actualize until the angels gather us from the 4 corners of the earth. Bonhoeffer mentions the sick, imprisoned and exiled believers and how they have no access to this rich time believers share with one another at times...such as once a week. What a pity that we can come together celebrating each Sunday and what a greater pity that we don't try on weekdays.

My life has taken a turn for the change in the last couple months. I moved from one country to another and into a ministry where the entire focus is living together....constantly. Soon, we pray, this house where I live will be filled with Christian brothers and sisters learning to live in harmony for the Glory of the Lord with a desire to spread it around and actively doing so in a local body of believers. Already the church body at Claye shows massive signs of this kind of living during its Sunday morning service. I'm beginning to think I'm "on to something..."

"Everyday is a winding road..." We all have to learn one day or another the meaning of the word "greve". In my case, I learned the word 4+ years ago in language school. Today I learned the sense of the 'mot'. I even took off early for the RER station in hopes that I might just be able to board as normal the next train that screech's to a halt in front of me every day. I joined a 'foule' of people standing around in the station and read the schedule screen which was abnormally a large yellow block of french saying that all the A ligne was very "purterbed" and something to the effect of no connections at a couple particular stops. I stood amongst the crowd and listened to the person behind the ticket counter tell person after person that there wasn't any info and that there hadn't been any trains for a while, etc... I decided to brave asking one gal standing there who said there had been "aucun train, et aucan renseignment." I decided to faire la greve as well... I walked home.

While the train operators strike, I'm taking the moment to play and worship in my apt and I'm about to pick up my school books to see if I can guess what Francoise is teaching on today. Maybe I'll pumult my brain with a french film too...

What a relief it is to have a new grammaire prof. Francoise is a great lady, very patient- maybe too patient- and clear, sharing french culture and history with us along the way. It doesn't seem to be too difficult yet but I've only had 2 days of classes. My anticipation is that it will continue to push me into more and more complex sentence structureing and I think we'll start writing more and more. My only problem at this point in the stage of the game is that I'm completely tired. Its not so much my physical body that is tired from stairs or working out but my brain which after a certain point can't keep up with the speed of french life. Its ok. My brain is a muscle in that way and just needs "to get in shape".

There is crisp spring air out now. The wind will blow pretty decently and the grey clouds come in varying brightnesses because of the rising or setting sun.

It was nice knowing them but now they have to go. I purchased a cool pair of shoes in the states that are beginning to show signs of falling apart. I guess Paris was a little harder on them than I anticipated. Now I'm looking at kicking down some serious cash on some serious shoes. That's what a walking city does to you...