Love/Hate
Why do I have such a love/hate relationship with change? I love change. I think everybody should be looking for change. I think change is great. In fact, I have even taken it so far as to say that "change = learning". If I'm not changing, then I'm not really learning. Learning is a sign of growth. "The minute you stop learning, you stop growing." "Our greatest fear in life is getting 'stuck'." Its a thought of progress, movement, forward action. Its deeper than just memorizing, regurgitation on some exam; it's personalizing, transforming, making me someone I wasn't before. Some have called this developmentalism (thanks Dr. Patty). Its more than a romanticized exploration of self and environment; more than facts and memory tricks, more than discussion with people and theorizing, and more than a 'pavlovization' by culture, teachers, parents and profs. Some of the coolest stories come from people who tell how they were and how they are changed.

I hate change. It means passing from comfort to uncomfort. It means stripping me from "me" and replacing it with new. It means humiliation and an almost seemingly hypocrisy. Its saying one thing and then later, a transformation of thought that comes out saying the opposite. It feels fickle. It makes one eat humility. It means being weak when we had always thought ourselves strong. Its painful to change. It means mistakes, retries, and 'brain smoke'. It makes one tired, a forced battle with self.

I tried to imagine the world full of changing people. Everyone was focused on expanding their reservoir of knowledge from a learner's point of view. People content in their humility and weakness- seeking the better, stronger way but never flanting strength.

Today I had some RUG time with my friends Katie and MaryBeth. It was so awesome to pray together for people we know and love, for ourselves and for France. We praised God for His creation and His love. The more we prayed to Him, the more we were overcome with this Yahweh. It makes me feel small- a good place to be!