Sometimes I can't figure myself out. All in one day I can have a full range of different feelings ranging from stress to joy, pain to excitement, fulfilment to loneliness. Sometimes it seems like down feelings won't ever end and at other times I remember that I will come out on the "up side." Since Monday was a day off, I took advantage of meeting some friends up in the north of Paris. I was absolutely encouraged by talking with these cutting edge people, hearing their stories and learning from their wisdom. They opened their home and put me up for the night too! After the presentation of so many thoughts concerning cultural differences between americans and arabs and french, my head is spinning. I want to find the sweet spot in the culture where I feel at home. I want to find qualified ways of bridging into people's lives, French and Arab neighbors.

Today in conversation class the issue of euthanasia came up. JB watched me and Adrienne closely since Canada and America are usually in the spotlight when it comes to this subject. I was allowed to explain some of what I understood had happened in America with Dr. K. I listened to several students bat around their opinions and JB play the devil's advocate (against). One gal says she couldn't let a close suffering family member go through with it, but when it came to her- she'd want to freedom to finish herself. JB kept his eye on me and I finally threw out the fact that much of a person's opinion was based upon their worldview, how they viewed mankind and life, and morality. I almost wanted to breach abortion but I kept my mouth shut. I felt like I had returned to Harper's Ethics class but this time it was for real and in French. It was strange: at one point I looked around the table at the faces and realized that behind their opinions- whatever they may be- there is fear of unknown and what comes after death. Thank goodness I have proof of life after death: Jesus resurrected and "re-living"!

Tomorrow I get to do an evaluation again. If I pass, I'll move up again to Avance 1 which is a two month course. I'm not really sure what to study because there was no real "programme" laid out at the beginning of the class but we've been reviewing for a week now and I'm feeling ok about it. I think I'm getting better but sometimes I feel as if I've plateaued- that dull spot where one doesn't see much progress.

Its been a rigorous last couple weeks though and I think I've learned more about myself and the culture than I did last month and its ok that my language isn't forefront in my mind. I'm learning to lean on my living God for support when it feels lonely, hard, even joyful. Its a relieving thought that down the road, this adaptation time will become less and less painful til one day, I won't even notice so much.